Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
