i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
