just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
