Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They took my balls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
