You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
