I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
