she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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