I met the friendliest cop last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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