i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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