I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
