if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
