Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
