He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
