I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
