I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
