I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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