just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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