She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
