I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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