he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
