i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
