she woke up with a sticky ear
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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