I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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