We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
