just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
