Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize