My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize