I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The uberlube is also flammable
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize