Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
