It's Friday. Sex?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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