Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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