I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
