I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
