i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
