sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
