We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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