can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
