just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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