one two three fourrrrnication!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
