I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
