the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
