I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
