he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize