dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
