She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
