youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Houston, we have a blender
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
