8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
