I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
