I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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