i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
