so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Text me some of your sweat
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