After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
