the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
