You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
