Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize