saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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