HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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