Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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