I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
false alarm. still invincible.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize