It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
