You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Randomize
