I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
