I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
