I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
