somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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