You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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