there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize