every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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